Online dating can be a real pain in the ass. You swipe, you match, you chat, you meet, and then… nothing. Or worse, you find out they lied about everything on their profile. Or even worse, they ghost you after the first date. Sound familiar? If you’re feeling frustrated and hopeless about finding a decent person online, you’re not alone. Here are some of the reasons why it takes forever to find someone who’s not a total jerk.
Too Many Options
With the rise of dating apps and websites, there are now more potential partners to choose from than ever before. This may sound like a good thing, but it also means that it can take longer to sift through profiles and find someone who seems like a good match. You may spend hours browsing through profiles, trying to find someone who fits your criteria, and this can be a time-consuming process. Plus, having too many options can make you feel overwhelmed and indecisive, and you may end up missing out on some great people because you’re always looking for something better.
I used to be very picky about my online dates. I had a long list of criteria that I wanted them to meet, such as height, education, income, hobbies, etc. I would swipe left on anyone who didn’t match my expectations, even if they seemed nice or attractive. I thought I was being smart and selective, but in reality I was being unrealistic and narrow-minded. I missed out on a lot of potential matches because I was too focused on finding the perfect one. Then one day, I decided to give a chance to someone who didn’t fit my criteria at all. He was shorter than me, he had a different background and culture than me, and he had a passion for gardening that I didn’t share. But he also had a great sense of humor, a kind heart, and a genuine interest in me. We met for coffee and we had a great time. We had a lot in common despite our differences, and we felt a strong connection. We’ve been dating for three months now and we’re very happy together. He taught me that sometimes you have to look beyond the surface and give people a chance to surprise you.
How to overcome it
Be realistic and selective about your preferences. Don’t waste your time on people who don’t meet your basic standards, but also don’t be too picky or rigid about your ideal partner. Focus on the qualities that really matter to you, such as personality, values, or interests, and give people a chance to show who they are beyond their profile.
Another reason why finding a decent person online is hard is that online profiles may not accurately reflect a person’s personality, values, or interests. People may present themselves in a certain way online in order to attract potential partners, but their true selves may be vastly different. For example, someone may post pictures or descriptions of themselves that are misleading or outdated, and this can make it difficult to know what to expect when meeting in person. Or they may lie about their relationship status, their age, their job, or their intentions, and this can lead to disappointment or betrayal.
My friend Lisa had a bad experience with online dating. She met this guy on one of the dating apps who seemed perfect for her. He was handsome, successful, charming, and generous. He said he was single and looking for a serious relationship. He showered her with compliments and gifts and made her feel special. They talked for weeks and then decided to meet for dinner at a fancy restaurant. She was so excited to meet him in person and see if they had chemistry. But when she got there, she realized he had lied about everything. He looked nothing like his pictures; he was older, balding, and overweight. He also acted very differently; he was rude, arrogant, and cheap. He barely paid attention to her and kept checking his phone. And the worst part was that he was wearing a wedding ring! He was married and had kids! He had lied about everything just to get her into bed! She was so angry and hurt that she stormed out of the restaurant and blocked him from her phone.
How to overcome it
Do some background checks before meeting someone in person. Look them up on social media or Google them to see if they are who they say they are. Ask them questions that can verify their identity or their story. And most importantly, trust your gut. If something feels off or too good to be true, it probably is.
Lack of Communication
Building a relationship online requires a lot of effort and communication. It’s important to take time to get to know the person through messaging, phone calls, or video chats before meeting in person. This can help to build a foundation of trust and compatibility, but it also requires a significant investment of time and energy. You may need to invest several hours a week into getting to know someone online, and this can be a challenge when you have other commitments, such as work or family. And sometimes, communication can break down or fade away for no apparent reason. You may send a message and never get a reply, or you may have a great conversation and then never hear from them again. This can leave you feeling confused and hurt.
I had a hard time communicating with my online date. We met on Hinge and we had a lot in common. We had similar hobbies, tastes, and goals. We exchanged messages every day and we had fun and flirty conversations. He seemed interested in me and he asked me a lot of questions about myself. He also suggested that we should meet in person soon. I was really looking forward to meeting him and seeing if we had chemistry. But then, he suddenly stopped replying to my messages. I didn’t know what happened. Did he lose interest? Did he meet someone else? Did he have an emergency? I tried to reach out to him several times, but I got no response. I felt confused and hurt. I didn’t know if I should wait for him or move on. I wished he would just tell me what was going on.
How to overcome it
Be clear and honest about your expectations and boundaries when it comes to communication. Let the other person know how often you want to talk and what mode of communication you prefer. Don’t play games or send mixed signals. If you’re interested in someone, show it. If you’re not interested in someone, tell them politely. And if you’re not sure where things are going with someone, ask them directly.
Risk of Disappointment
The final reason why finding love online is hard is the risk of disappointment. You may spend a lot of time messaging back and forth with someone, only to discover that they are not a good match when you finally meet in person. Maybe there’s no chemistry, maybe there’s an awkward silence, maybe there’s a deal-breaker that you didn’t know about before. Alternatively, you may find that your online relationship is not as fulfilling as you had hoped, and you may struggle to build a deeper connection with your partner. You may feel lonely or bored or unsatisfied with your online partner, and you may wonder if there’s something better out there for you.
I met a guy online and we had a great connection. We matched on Bumble and we had similar interests and values. We talked for hours every day and we felt like we knew each other very well. He was sweet, funny, smart, and supportive. He made me laugh and he made me feel good about myself. He also said he wanted a serious relationship with me and he asked me to be his girlfriend after two weeks of talking online. I said yes because I really liked him and I thought he was the one for me. We decided to meet in person after a month of dating online. I was so excited to see him and hug him and kiss him for the first time. But when we met, it was nothing like I expected. He looked different from his pictures; he was shorter, thinner, and paler than I thought he would be. He also acted differently; he was shy, nervous, and quiet instead of confident, outgoing, and talkative like he was online. He barely looked at me or touched me during our date. He seemed distant and bored with me. We had nothing to talk about and we had no chemistry at all. I felt disappointed and sad. I realized that our online relationship was not real; it was based on fantasy and projection rather than reality and compatibility.
How to overcome it
Be realistic and optimistic about your online dating experience. Don’t expect too much or too little from someone you meet online. Don’t idealize them or put them on a pedestal, but also don’t judge them too harshly or write them off too quickly. Give yourself and the other person a chance to get to know each other in real life before making any decisions about your relationship status. And remember that online dating is not the only way to find love. You can also meet people through your friends, your hobbies, your work, or your community.
Don’t Give Up on Online Dating
Online dating can be a challenging and frustrating process, but it can also be a rewarding and fulfilling one. You just need to know how to navigate the online dating world and find the right person for you. There are still plenty of decent people out there who are looking for someone like you, someone who shares their interests, values, and goals. You just need to be smart, selective, and persistent in your online dating journey. And who knows? You might just find your soulmate online, someone who makes you happy and completes you.