We matched on a dating app. He seemed perfect for me. He was witty, kind, and handsome. We had so much in common and we connected instantly. We exchanged messages every day, shared our secrets, and made each other laugh. He made me feel happy and hopeful. We agreed to meet face to face after a few days of talking online. I was thrilled and anxious. I picked out a cute outfit, did my makeup, and reserved a spot at a cozy cafe. I got there early and waited for him to arrive, but he never did. I texted him, but he didn’t reply. I called him, but he didn’t answer. I wanted to check his profile, but it was gone. He ghosted me. He vanished from my life without any reason or notice. I felt crushed, angry, and lost. Why did he do this to me? What was wrong with me? Ghosting is when someone you’re dating suddenly goes silent on you, without telling you why or saying goodbye. They just stop answering your texts, calls, or emails. They erase their online presence. They act like you never existed. In the world of online dating, ghosting is a common way of ending a relationship by ignoring the other person’s attempts to communicate.
The emotional impact of being ghosted
Ghosting can be harmful to both parties involved. For the person being ghosted, it can cause feelings of confusion, frustration, and rejection. It can also make them question their own self-worth and if they did something wrong to cause the other person to cut off communication.
How being ghosted can make you doubt yourself
For example, I was ghosted by a guy I met on Tinder after we had a great date. He kissed me goodbye and said he would text me later, but he never did. I felt confused and hurt and wondered if I had misread his signals or said something wrong.
How being ghosted can make you avoid responsibility
For the person doing the ghosting, it can be a way to avoid conflict or difficult conversations. However, it also means they are avoiding taking responsibility for the end of the relationship, and can cause emotional harm to the other person.
For example, I ghosted a guy I met on Bumble after we had a few chats online. He seemed nice and interested in me, but I realized I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and didn’t know how to tell him that.
Why do people ghost others online?
There are many reasons why someone may choose to ghost someone they have been dating online.
Finding a new flame
One reason is that they may have met someone else on another dating app who they prefer or who matches their preferences better. For instance, I was ghosted by a guy I met on OkCupid after we had a few dates. He seemed to like me and we had a lot in common, but then he stopped replying to my messages. I later found out that he had met another girl on Bumble who was more his style and who shared his hobbies. He didn’t bother to tell me that he was seeing someone else and just ghosted me.
The spark is gone
Another reason is that they may not feel the same level of attraction or connection as they did online when they meet in person or see more photos or videos of them. For example, my friend Anna was ghosted by a guy she met on Match after they exchanged some pics and videos. They had a lot of chemistry online and planned to meet up, but then the guy stopped responding to her texts. Anna later learned that the guy had seen more of her photos on Facebook and decided that she wasn’t as pretty as he thought and just ghosted her.
Personal issues
A third reason is that they may be dealing with personal issues such as stress, depression, or anxiety that make them withdraw from others or lose interest in dating altogether.
For example, I ghosted a guy I met online after we had been chatting for a week. I was going through a lot of stress at work and with my health. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, not even him, and just stopped responding to his messages. I never explained why I stopped talking to him and just ghosted him.
They don’t have the words, they don’t have the courtesy
A fourth reason is that they may simply not know how to end the relationship in a more respectful and adult way because they lack communication skills or emotional maturity.
For example, my brother Matt ghosted a girl he met on Zoosk after they had a one-night stand. He didn’t want to see her again, but he didn’t know how to tell her that without hurting her feelings. He thought it would be easier to just ignore her and hope she would get the hint. He didn’t realize how rude and cowardly that was and just ghosted her.
How to deal with ghosting
Ghosting is not a cool or kind way to end a relationship. It hurts the other person and makes you look bad. If you’re thinking of ghosting someone you’ve been chatting with online, think twice before you do it.
How ghosting someone can backfire on you
Think about how you would feel if someone did that to you. For instance, I once ghosted a guy I met on eHarmony after we had a few video calls. I thought he was boring and clingy, and I didn’t want to deal with him anymore. I just stopped answering his messages and blocked him. I thought I was saving myself some trouble, but I later realized I was being selfish and rude. He probably felt confused and rejected, and I probably ruined his trust in online dating.
How being ghosted can make you stronger
If you’re the one being ghosted, it sucks. It can make you feel angry, sad, and insecure. You may wonder what you did wrong or what’s wrong with you.
But don’t let it get to you.
It’s not your fault that someone decided to be a jerk and disappear on you.
You are still awesome and worthy of love.
For example, I was once ghosted by a guy I met on Plenty of Fish after we had a great date. He hugged me and said he would call me, but he never did. I felt hurt and confused, and I blamed myself for being too needy or too boring. But then I realized that he was the one who had a problem, not me. He was the one who couldn’t handle a mature and honest conversation, not me.
How to confront or move on from ghosting
If you’re feeling brave, you can try to contact the person who ghosted you and ask them for an explanation. Maybe they have a good reason for their behavior, or maybe they don’t. Maybe they will apologize, or maybe they won’t. Maybe they will ghost you again, or maybe they won’t. You never know until you try. However, it’s also okay to just let it go and move on. You don’t need closure from someone who doesn’t respect you enough to give you one. You don’t need to waste your time and energy on someone who doesn’t deserve it. You don’t need to let someone else’s actions define your happiness.
Bounce back
Ghosting can be harmful to both parties involved. It can make you feel confused, angry, and rejected. It can also make you lose trust and confidence in yourself and others. There are many reasons why someone may choose to ghost someone they have been dating online, but none of them are worth losing your integrity or dignity. If you’re thinking of ghosting someone, don’t do it. Be honest and respectful and tell them how you feel. You may not want to hurt their feelings, but ghosting them will hurt them more. You may not want to face confrontation, but ghosting them will create more problems. You may not want to continue the relationship, but ghosting them will not end it properly. If you’re the one being ghosted, don’t let it get you down. It’s not your fault, it’s theirs. You didn’t do anything wrong, they did. You are still awesome and worthy of love. You don’t need someone who doesn’t respect you enough to give you closure. You don’t need someone who doesn’t care enough to communicate with you. You don’t need someone who doesn’t value you enough to stay with you. Ghosting is not the end of the world. It’s just a bump in the road. You can overcome it and move on. You can learn from it and grow from it. You can heal from it and find happiness again. Don’t let ghosting stop you from finding your true match. Be a confident and compassionate human being.
